Jaded Lens

Everything I have said is what I felt. But if it makes you feel better to ignore it than by all means do so. If it would our relationship by all means do so.

I understand I might be over reacting, and he didn't even kiss you on the mouth so why should I care. Maybe I'm just jealous you have this special friend who is so in touch with you. I've lost two of those. Sale. Sarah. Jesus maybe I'm attached to S names. Hah. Of course his real name is Clarence.

Maybe I'm afraid of losing you.

But I doubt I can fall any more from grace than I already have. Unless this Stephen does something unbelievably awesome, and I'm put out of your mind completely.

I guess I'm just a lonely, sad kid, and his only blankie is being taken away from him. And he screams: "NO what are you doing with it! NO DONT GIVE IT TO THAT KID! ITS MINE! MINE BLANKIE! NOOOOO"

Its no big deal really. Even though when I close my eyes I picture you two kissing, and doing nasty things to each other. How do I know those images didn't come to pass? I've passed through chains of experienced liars. But you're not a lying type. I know you. Or do I? You're not the same girl I met 2 years ago. You can enrapture a white guy. You can order an impromptu Vegas trip. This girl lives life. She is strong willed and confident and her smile lights up a room. Who are you? Are you me? Did I build you to this state only to lose complete knowledge of who you are?

Are you capable of deceit and lies now? Or are you still the same?

What do I believe.

"When the lie is told enough it is believed, and the truth is wiped into the ashes of history"

I believe you are still the same sweet girl I met. I believe you are telling me the truth. I believe you still want to give me a chance. I believe you still love me. (Then why do nasty images still come to my mind)

I believe you want to be happy, to be youthful. I believe you want to do crazy stuff. I believe I am blocking your way.

Trust.

Why do you still love me.

You were never able to answer that.

I believe the answers lies in our past, not in our present, not in our future.

Maybe it is time for just that; to set our memories in the past and move on.

But I will wait and hope and trust.