Moral High Ground.

In my youth...

Who am I kidding, I am still young.

In my childhood, during the transitory period from elementary school kid to middle school I

would refer to myself in the third person as an assassin.

An assassin.

A murderer.

A killer of persons.

I was full of anger then, at my family, at the world, at the cruel taunts I endured throughout elementary school. I vowed to have a fresh start in middle school. Modeling after my Forgotten Realm heroes, I decided that having confidence was the key to being strong. I stopped plugging my hands into my pockets, and walked with my head up high and my arms swinging stupidly at my sides. It worked. To a degree. In a school where I was little unknown, I could forge a new persona for myself based on my actions and words. Who knew that the stupid caveman like swinging of the arms was the alpha-male posturing that has been bred into humanity for millenia. The bigger, hulkier you are, and the more you swing your arms- the more threatening you. Picture*: brutish caveman swinging club = brutish football player

I could never be cool. I despised those cool kids with their name brands and their slang and their posturing...almost as much as I envied them. I wanted to make friends based on my own ability and not that of their parent's wealth.

I was gifted with decent intelligence and athletic ability and as such I could mingle with almost any crowd. After a while I met a few groups of girls as was natural. In order to impress them I coined the third person name: assassin. Ass Ass in.. hahaha..

I liked the name for its mystery- a symbol of swift deadliness ending in silent mercy.

Now I view the term assassin again.

And I wonder: will I be able to kill.

Even in defense of my loved one, will I be able to kill.

For a higher, greater moral good would I be able to kill.

These higher based reasons do not hide the fact it is cold murder.

Even if it is for the greater good, one life to save many, when it comes to the actual act

I do not know if I will be able to kill.

Courage, bravery, strength.

What do these words mean. Are they not all subjective.

The brutish man views a slighter's man hesitation, his moment of mercy as a sign of weakness.

The weaker man views a brutish man's blood lust and lack of refinement as a sign of weakness.

To the brutish man, the slighter man's inability to finish off his foe is a mistake, a weakness. The enemy will only come back again in greater force, to repay in blood. Strength of arms is the only defense; to bully, to bluff, to fight.

To the weaker man, the brutish's man blood lust and berserker rage is the mistake; the killing of the enemy will only bring about graver repercussions. The loss of rational thought and conscience makes him an animal. Give your foe mercy and he may repay you, in blood or kindness, but you offered him a choice. Friendship may be garnered, debts repaid. Your conscience is clean.

There are those who kill for money. Some out of greed. Others out of necessity. They are driven by their human condition. When faced with such a choice; starve or prey on the weak..what will you choose. What if you have a family to feed. A dying relative...a dying love?

Which is stronger, the heart or the stomach. Evolution argues stomach. A majority of humanity will say the same.

I see the homeless on the street, their faces are weathered and lined. Their eyes glisten with pain and suffering, yet their faces radiate a sense of calm. A calm filled with desperation and pleading, yes, but they have a kindness. They do not harm others. They merely ask for a little help. The spiteful tell them to help themselves. The annoyed give them a quarter. Me, I look them in the eye, talk to them and walk away. I am just another one of the many faces they beg from. But they walk away with even sadder eyes, some angrier.

Assassin.

I will kill for the greater good, the moral high ground dictates it to be so.

I will kill for survival, but not at the expense of innocent people.

But can I deal the death blow. Can I look another human being in the eyes and take their life. It is not a matter of disgust or gore or moral questions. It is a matter of humanity.

The wise say that with every soul you take, you lose a part of yourself, even if it is for the betterment of mankind.

Assassin.

A term I took upon myself with endearment. I revoke you.

It is a cruel and unjust society that trains silent graceful killers. A necessary evil.

I do not know if I can kill upon the moment, even if it meant saving the ones I loved.

I love her.