Cute.

I love how cute you are. I love how round your face gets when you smile and your eyes light up. I love how you put your fists up to your face like a baby and you're crying or wiggling. I want to hold that smile forever in my heart. The twinkle in your eyes.

Homeless for a Night

I remember when I started this blog. I started it to record memories for her, and for myself; because I forget sometimes and she got sad. (Wow, that was the worst sentence I have ever typed. Engrish fail) I realize this blog is only about her and us; so I have decided to rename this blog. I will secretly call it 爱.

Homeless for a night.

It was funny how that night came about.

As with all my failures, it started with stupid decisions and bad timing on my part.

I failed to book my plane tickets in time, because I didn't know when I would be leaving. As a result, I booked a greyhound print at home ticket- nonrefundable. -_-, 2 hours later, my cousin tells me I should visit her in Davis. So there I was, stuck with a Greyhound ticket that arrives in SF at midnight, and an extra 20 bucks to amtrak to Davis. If I was smarter and better planned, I would have a Greyhound/Amtrak ticket that departed San Diego at 10 p.m., and arrive in Davis in the morning- with me fully rested and happy.

Instead, I spent the morning of departure rushing around, tying up lose ends. The kitchen is still not clean, my room is messy- I forgot to pack shorts/swim trunks. Then the Wells Fargo printer refused to give me my cashier's check, and I spent half an hour standing there trying to smile at the lady as they fixed the problem.

Rushed to pay the lease, then rushed to gather my stuff and catch a bus downtown.

There were two bus lines that travel to downtown. The 30, and the 150. The 30 comes every ten minutes but is a hellish 2 hour trip to downtown. The 150 comes once every 25 mins (reality is one hour), and takes a highway approach towards downtown. So I sat there baking in the sun waiting on the nonexistent 150, as every other bus line passed me at least twice. Even saw the same bus driver twice.

I get on the 150 at 12 noon, when my bus departs at 1:15.

Thankfully, there no problems enroute, and I made it to the Greyhound station by 12 30.

Love

Hello love. I'm high right now and I played couple games of beer pong. My eyelids are really heavy right now.

I love you.

I love you so much.

Hahaha.

Do you remember my clearest memory. It was in the botanical gardens and there were butterflies. And you were all smily and holding my hand and being so cute and so sexy.

Hahaha...younger days.

I love you so much.

I always want o hug you and hold yo hand.

hehehe..

shelbee: "not a good idea"

me: "stop saying that"

shelbee: "stop typing"

me: "shhh...
shelbee: "ok..im going to take this away now, before you type somethign stupid you will regret."

Lol- well, this doesn't sound so bad.

I guess I'll post it so you can see.

All alone and Scared.

Where are you. I'm sitting alone and empty staring into the void.

Now I know how you feel when I don't pick up your phone.

I think I'm more worried about you and your hair fiasco than I am about my own safety. Love is strange.

Thank You

Crying.

Thank you Mexican lady for your gentles eyes and napkin.

Thank you for not a single word.

Back to the Future.

Dear future Wilson Szeto,

I know you probably won't have changed much in the intervening years. But hopefully you got your shitty life back on track, and became a self sustained individual. Hopefully you have made and maintained a few meaningful relationships and are not living in total loneliness and despair. Maybe your dream of the Apple Pie life is even within reach, but I highly doubt that- and here is my advice for you.

When the time comes when you think you are ready to hurt another girl. Stop. Think. Plan. Ask yourself if you foresee a future with said girl. Do you see yourself treating her better than anyone else. Do you believe you are worthy of her. Are you able to be responsible and provide for her. Are you able to give her everything she asks for. Are you able to give up everything for her. Will you be able to forge a bond with her that can weather all hardship and stand the test of time. Do you see yourself staying faithful. If she asks you to change, will you be able to do it for her?

If the answer to any of those questions is a no, I want you to slap yourself, and let the girl go free. You don't deserve her. She doesn't need your stupidity, foolishness and neglect. She doesn't need all the tears and misery you will bring her. It is getting late in life. No one will put up with your bullshit. If all you have your paltry "I love you", don't even think about love. Your affection won't hold up to a hungry stomach, a life of hard work. Hell, even your affection won't hold for long- you will neglect her and mistreat her eventually.

But if you say you have changed. If you are successful. If you know you can make her happy forever, then I am sorry for everything I have said. Then I hope you seize the opportunity for happiness and share the fruit of joy with another special person.

So Close.

Victory Into Defeat.

All I know is that she won't read this till after this weekend is done. Maybe she never even read all my blog posts.

But I love her.

I love her so much.

Good bye, my love.

I am truly sorry.