Anger.

I will kill him.

I miss her.

The easiest way to lose something is to want it too badly.

Why does it hurt.

Why do I care.

What have I done to deserve her love?

In many ways I destroyed it.

So why do I care anymore- I deserve this don't I? Everything I've done has been wrought by my own hands. The pain, the agony, the loneliness. Sure I can keep around the people I've wronged and forgiven me, but to what end? Every time I look at them I will be reminded of my failure, see the judgement in their eyes.

I think I'm done caring.

Thank you for your love and your support. But I would rather lose you forever and start a clean slate, then to suffer endless longing and caring.

When you read this, a small part of you will try to save me.

But I know that a large part of you has already moved on. We are no longer close. We do not truly know one another like we did so long ago. You are able to befriend and love others and form deeper connections with them than you can with me. Our connections are old and stale. I get maybe 7 weeks out of the year where I can create new memories with you. It is not enough. You need more, you need to live.

I still need you of course. You are my only friend. But in a way, you are also my biggest burden.

I do not know if I was your best friend, if I was your true love. I would like to think it is true, but frankly I don't really think it matters at this point. When I look upon you it is with part joy and love, and part dread and longing. I have you, yet I don't have you.

You are resilient and strong- you will move on and find someone else and he will make you happy endlessly.

When the summer ends, I will visit you. I will hold you in my arms and tell you how much you mean to me. I will hug you. I will kiss you. And I will tell you I love you. Then you will depart on wings of ionized carbon into the horizon and I will stare into the beautiful blue sky and tell myself she is gone. I will tell myself that we shared something special. But it wasn't meant to be- not now. Maybe never. There will be a kernel of hope lodged deep in my heart for us. But I will not force it. Maybe I even want to forget it. But it will be there, for the future.

When you read this, don't think too deeply about it. I'm still your friend. I still love and care about you. I just wanted to tell you how much it hurts to see you live your life and I'm not beside you. To see how you are able to form deeper connections than you can with me (because I suck and I'm a miserable person). Just know that when you go back to school, I will stop thinking about you. I will live my life and try and keep my promise, so your faith in me won't be wasted.

This was our agreement was it not? We are just dating. We can see other people.

But the pain.

When this summer ends.

You will be

Free.

If you are my love.

You're my first.

Will you be my last.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJH-hRzx6UY&feature=related

Do Not Sabotage Yourself.

Do not ask.

Just ignore that voice.

You trust her.

You believe her.

She is safe.

Nothing bad will happen to her.

So ignore the guy.

He will probably hug her, and touch her.

Deal with it.

Do not ask.

It will all be over soon.

As long as she is unharmed and happy, what do you care.

Ignore.

Concentrate.

Your life > hers.

Thank you

Thank you for spending time for me.

Thank you for loving me.

Thank you for making this the best birthday ever. (Heh, you even made me cry on my birthday)

After I left you, I was in tears for half an hour.

I stand by my revelation before.

You will move on.

I will be waiting.

Everything and anything can happen, but I will stay true to you.

Nothing will break my love for you.

Loyalty.

What is it.

Maybe it will test me again, but next time I won't bitch.

I won't complain, but will you realize I still love you?

I will chase you till I can't anymore, then I will wish you the best.

I love you.